Blah blah blah…and in the time it took for me to finish my entire work out, one chick, all blinged out, sat on a leg machine…doing nothing but checking guys out.   NO.JOKE. 

I’m sorry, but I don’t have time to primp for the health club.  I’m lucky I even GET to the club!  Right?

However, I ask the following:  ever want to bake something substantial?  Say…an apple pie…or a whole batch of cupcakes?  But, being a single mom, you know you are going to bake it for you and your kid(s) and you know that food could go to waste?  My son doesn’t have a sweet tooth, which only exacerbates my problem.  But even if my son loved sweets, I don’t think we would be able to eat a whole Tiramisu or an entire batch of cupcakes.  Oh wait – correction.  We could!  But I would have to be the one eating most of it.  NO.BUENO.

I love cupcakes.  I baked some a few weeks ago.  Who ended up eating three at a time?  Me.  Hours later…a couple more?  Me.  Did I still toss some out?  Yes.  Thank goodness.

Pardon me, but I would like to continue to fit into my hot David Kahn jeans.  How in the world do you bake yummies without having to be the only one to eat the lion’s share of them? 

…and don’t tell me to bake and freeze.  I wont do it.

“I don’t know how to spell any of these states”…”I don’t know anything…I don’t know this…I’ll never get this”

Really?!  It was just introduced to you 5 hours ago.  What’s the big deal?  That’s why we are practicing!

Moms out there – I don’t understand this phase.  I try really hard to understand this phase, but it makes no sense.  Why do kids this age (and beyond??)  feel like they should know everything already? Why are they so hard on themselves?    Or have I created this mindset in some sort of way?

And the crying just makes the homework effort that much more difficult b/c you spend time trying to calm them down…and sometimes I think it is all just whooey (another clean swear) b/c there is no way that he doesn’t know something we just reviewed 5 minutes earlier.

I don’t get it.

I am patient and I empathize with him…encourage him to calm down and understand that he isn’t expected to know everything, and that is why we have homework, people don’t come out of their mommy’s bellies knowing math and geography…blah blah blah.  But, at some point, I think I am going to lose my mind.

LOSE.MY.MIND

According to the youngin’, Hooters has it all wrong b/c now they have to be “fair” when they hire chicks, so they end up hiring “fat chicks” in order to not disciminate.  W.O.W.  Meanwhile, Anthony is getting his hair trimmed and looking at me with this inquisitive expression.  Please lord, don’t make him ask me questions about what this all means.

the youngin’ continues:  …”Tilted Kilt hires models…it’s not hard to leave with one of them!  I got a chick’s number the other day!”…whoop dee flippy-flap-doo – a numbah!  <–   I now use the term “nubah” when referring to the word “number”.  This is b/c Anthony found a website where you can print an ID card for something…detectives?  I donno…anyway – it refers to your “ID Numbah”…I think that is pretty funny!  Numbah!  So…there you go.  Numbah.

I digress:  the blabber drones on…”I mean, what is Hooters thinking!?  Don’t they know that married men go there to get away from their wives and they don’t want to see fat chicks in half tops when they flee their houses?”

Oh…b/c he’s married…right?  B/c he knows what it’s like to be married?  Right?

One of the barbers was becoming visibly uncomfortable with the conversation b/c it was so inappropriate, what with a woman in the shop and an 8-year-old, no less.   When the youngin’ said the part about married guys wanting to go to Hooters to get away from their wives, the barber looked at me and said “he’s single” and I replied, “I wonder why”.

To quote my sister:  Men are so obtuse.

Yes, Flora, they are.  The shastards.  <– that’s another clean swear.  Use it.  I can’t type what it means, but use your noggins.

Oh – and, in closing, I would like to remind all of you pretties out there:  we are all beautiful in every way, shape and form.  We are amazing, brilliant, strong, empowered women who light up rooms when we walk in…guys like the youngin’ wouldn’t know a wonderful woman if she slapped him in the face.  Serves him right.

We quoted many lines from Madagascar, Toy Story, Cars, Shark Tales, Shrek…my dad loves the Penguins from the Madagascar movie. 

Personally, I think it is remarkable that Disney/Pixar can, so successfully, appeal to the masses.  All ages!  It’s awesome.

Anthony and I went to Walgreens to get *silly bandz* milk and as we walked thru the store, I look to my left and see many shelves devoted to — you guessed it — FALL DECOR!

Milk-a-what?  Actually, I think I said “Jesus H”. 

This morning, as we ate breakfast together, we started to realize that he starts 3rd grade in less than 30 days.  Which means we will be back to the grind of school, sports, Religious Ed, parent teacher conferences…homework…needing 3 of me.

As I said, it may as well be fall.

I tried.  I really did.  Sadly, there were comments of “this game is boring” and “I don’t want to play another game”.  Strangely, my son said he liked the games, so I guess that is all that counts.  Here’s what I know:

• I am anal and strict (usually when we have these bday parties, they take place outside.  That way, I don’t have to worry about a group of hoodlums ripping thru the house.  My house rules make all the sense in the world, but based on yesterday’s behavior, I think my rules do not exist elsewhere…apparently, I am my mother)
• Kids trash things
• Kids can be destructive
• …and that behavior is contagious

So - with all that being said, it is a lot easier to keep a party outside b/c you don’t have to worry about anything in the backyard!  Run around the yard!  Play on the swing set!  Nothing breakable here!

But we couldn’t do anything outside b/c the weather was so bad up until an hour before the party.  After it stopped raining, my yard was a sloppy mess.  So, the party was inside.  I had lots of games up my sleeve, and we muddled thru it.  Limped thru it.  There were moments when I told my ex and his wife – “45 more minutes!”…counting down. That’s no bueno.

Next year, the venue of the party is OFF SITE.  I don’t want to be the victim of an inside party due to weather, EVER AGAIN.  I was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted by Anthony’s bedtime.

“stick a fork in me, I’m done”…WELL DONE.

Today is Anthony’s birthday party and it was supposed to be outdoor water play, weather permitting.  Guess what?  It’s been pouring since 9:30pm last night and it shows no signs of stopping.

I will let you know how a 2 hour party goes with 11 kids stuck in a house.

My son’s Great Grandmother passed away this week.  She was a wonderful woman; spunky, assertive, opinionated, loving, funny and full of vigor.  She was my ex husband’s grand mother, and my ex was very good about seeing her as much as possible.   That is how Anthony became so fortunate to know his Great Grandmother. What a blessing…I remember having to explain to Anthony how special she was b/c there were days when he wouldn’t want to talk to her on the phone etc – I thought to myself – holy crap!  I didn’t even KNOW 2 of my grandparents!  He gets to know a GREAT grandparent!  I need to explain how special that is.

Long story short, I never thought that I would be feeling this so heavily.  Of course, I mourn the loss of such a wonderful woman, but I didn’t see her a lot anymore…my feelings are primarily around realizing that there are just some things from which we cannot protect our kids.  Supporting my ex while he told Anthony and then helping talk to Anthony about it after Anthony finally realized it was true…shocking.  I wasn’t expecting his reaction to be so…big.  And heartfelt.  I think that somewhere, deep inside, I was hoping that he would hear it, and be sad…and shed tears, but he wouldn’t be inconsolable.   And I wasn’t expecting to feel so helpless.  As Anthony left our house, the reality set in that I – his mother – wont be able to be his rock thru all of this. 

I realize that this is all a part of life.  As a matter of fact, my son, in his “old soul” wisdom that he seems to have, said “it’s the circle of life…?”  Yes, it is the circle of life, but my goodness, what I wouldn’t give to take this pain from him.  Now for the wake and the funeral. 

My heart hurts.

Second night in a row!  SWEEET!

SHHH…’Nuff said.